The Butterfly Effect

If you're reading this.. then you're awake to read about the little life I tell you guys about every now and then. Yes, I know its been a while. Hi! Hello! lol, I've missed you all very much and I find that blogging just may contribute to easing my postpartum. In another separate post, i'll tell you all about motherhood and my sweet baby girl. In this post, I'm going to vent about some things that's been heavy on what's left of my heart.

I met someone....

I'm sure you all know what that means for me for various reasons lol. Man, it's been one hell of a ride getting to this point. I am so terrified at the things I feel. I know it's not the "usual" for me. I am queen of self-sabatoge and taking flight whenever things dont seem ideal while dating. I'm still working on that but for the most part I've been going with the flow and letting God control the situation. It's so hard just going with the flow, ive never been that type of person... like ever. So, im trying something new i guess. I'm in no rush to be in a relationship.. especially after all the things I endured in my past relationship. I just don't want to be in anything that requires too much of me that takes away from giving to myself.

Luckily for me, she's in the same boat with different circumstances. So, tell me.. how does one feel so much and want nothing at the same time. Why do I feel guilty for having these feelings? I hate how intense I feel when I care for someone. I think when I catch myself feeling intense I automoatically feel compelled to fall back to try not to be overwhelming or overbearing. I dont like overplaying my role with anyone so thats where that "flight" instinct comes into play for me. I'm still learning how to sort through my emotions without feeling the need to distance myself.

But chat.... I like her.. like her BAD. Idk what things look like for us tomorrow or next week but I like having her in my life & that's enough for me right now.

I feel like we have a few similarities, but the one that is most evident is the butterfly effect....

Super easy to look at, very hard to catch.

Until next post.. xoxo