Love or Power?

Why is it so hard for women to not mask their emotions? We are such emotional creatures yet we create this hard shell to mask being vulnerable. I can't remember the last time I was actually sitting in my emotions and considered myself emotional. I always have so much to say because I spend days and weeks feeling vulnerable without saying anything about it. We bottle up so much as women. Everything that's done to us, we keep under wraps because were afraid that if we show too much emotion, it'll backfire in our face and make us regret being weak in that moment.

Retaliation happens to be my most dangerous weapon thus far. I use it when I feel like my emotions are being taken advantage of. Let me tell you, being a lesbian in todays society has caused me to use that weapon more than I've ever been able to be peacefully vulnerable with any human. Women can sense when you are weak and use it for a power boost. I think I just can't gather myself to lose my power to another woman, especially someone younger than me.

"Will I ever be able to be vulnerable for someone else?" questioning myself everyday when I feel the least bit of sad or emotional toward my 8 month fling.

"Is it because of her age?"

"Is it because of my mental strength overpowering my heart to act upon emotion?"

Once I have those answers, I'm sure she'll be long gone. & it wont matter anymore.

So what do we choose? Love, or keeping our power as a "emotionally strong" woman?